Monday, September 21, 2009

September 12, 2009: Half way and it feels so far away...

So after Monday I will be half way done with chemo… I still have 9 weeks and it feels like forever away. I am so impatient I just want to get on with my life already!!

On top of everything my f-ing leg still hasn’t been approved by my insurance. its been 3 months since my surgery… guys whats the hold up??? I want to start learning on the better leg rather than this unsturdy POS I have right now temporarily.

I’m hoping to be able to go down south next weekend but idk how I am going to feel by then. I am crossing my fingers I can make it. I miss Santa Barbara and all my friends there and I miss my Melanie in LA.

I hate feeling like how I feel today; bored, lethargic, unable to go or feel like going anywhere. There are good days and bad days involving sadness, missing my leg and just overall feeling defeated. Chris helps me a lot with that and helps me feel a lot better when I am feeling down on myself.

What happened to my life 3 months ago? Was it really that short of a time ago? I’m living in SF, doing an internship, living my life, celebrating my birthday, then AGAIN my life gets flipped upside down even more so than before… since when is this fair? Why do I have to go through this TWICE?

I don’t really know anymore, I am waiting for the light at the end of this dark tunnel that I am stuck in right now…

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