Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Disappointments and Decisions...
Today was a shitty day. I just woke up not looking forward to going to chemo and just woke up sad. Chemo is just draining and takes a lot out of me for 2 weeks and then felling okay for maybe a week and then doing it all over again. I am so over it and am honestly thinking about stopping chemo or going to the lesser chemo that I was suppose to do in the first place.
I want to just focus on my leg and starting to walk with it and get good at it so that I can be at my best for when I go back to my school. and at least with the lesser chemo I could still do that and start working on myself, my inner self. I want to get back to a fitter healthier me and I can't do that when I am tired and sick 2/3rds of my life. I went to my prosthetician and found out I can never wear flip flops or sandals with the piece that goes in between the toe. I LOVE shoes and as sad as this sounds it made me upset hearing this. They do have the feet that have the holes in the big and middle. But guess what, for some stupid reason that kind of foot voids the warrantee on my 45,000 dollar leg. SO I am stuck. I have this favorite pair of shoes that I can NEVER wear because of some stupid rule.
I feel like this picture I took up above. Far away it looks beautiful, happy, artistic and lively. But you get up close and really look at it and see that its a big blurry swirled jumbled up mess, you can't tell what it is or how it happened or how it got there.
I'm just confused and sad and had a shitty disappointing day.