Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Year 6

Since 2006 Valentine's day hasn't really been a love celebration, it's been a reminder of the beginning of my long and crazy journey...

You can't help but think of those milestones when the anniversary comes...

6 years ago today I was getting out of my first of many huge, life changing surgeries...

I didn't know if I was going to wake up and not have a leg. And that, terrified me...

I am reminded of my last and hopefully final life changing surgery that happened 2 years ago...

As I am brought into the cold surgery room, I am told to curl into a ball so they can start the epidural. I cling to my knee and look at my other leg, frantically wiggling my toes, knowing I will never see that leg again... Holding back tears... The numbness takes over and I know I will never feel that leg again...

They lay me back and cover my body with blankets. They insert the spots where your arms rest into the surgery bed which make it form some sort of unholy cross. I can see them lifting my leg and covering it with orange iodine, getting the tourniquet ready, and started going over the technicalities...

"Courtney Wilson, amputation of the left leg...." For some reason I am still awake and now so many things are rushing in my head... The sound of the man that is going to take my leg off saying my name and what he is going to do makes it impossible to hold back tears... my arms are strapped down so I can't even brush them from my face...

The nurse next to me sees that I am awake and crying asks for me to be put under... she takes off her sterile glove, touches my face, and wipes my tears away...

That's the last thing I remember...And I will never forget it...

These moments define you...these moments remind you of a time that you may want to forget... but these moments are what make you, you...