Life Transformed...

My great grandmother just died this past week at the bold age of 96 and left behind her husband, my great grandpa.

They had been married for 75 years...some people don't even live that long in the first place!

I just keep thinking back to the stories I have heard and wonder if my grandpa is going to die soon. Death from a broken heart? Is there such a thing? Can love even be THAT strong?

Is it wrong I am more sad for my grandpa than I am for my grandma's death?

(Don't get me wrong. I am going to miss her dearly. But she had a long, happy life).

I just keep imagining him that first night lying in that bed all by himself...how would that feel? It breaks my heart to even think about it...

They always say that time flies by the older you get. In this situation, I think the world would stop...

Live, LOVE, Laugh, Never take anything for granted... life is short, even if you do live to be 96 years old.

Just Dance...

If only it were that easy...

Dance was my outlet, my creativity flowing through me, my spiritual guide through good and bad times, my passage to speaking to God and letting him speak through me, my friend, my life...

Is it sad or wrong that I am still heartbroken over never being able to REALLY dance ballet or modern again? Is it wrong that dance is the only thing I truly mourn losing from all of this??? I mourn losing dance more than I mourn losing my leg... what sense does that make???

It hurts to even watch other dancers just dancing like its nothing...it literally hurts

I didn't even know my last dance would be my last...and for some reason I can remember every beating moment...

Why does it always seem to work out that way? Pianist gets arthritis, photographer goes blind, musician goes deaf, dancer loses her leg... Or maybe we just bring light to these instances because they are more tragic and weirdly poetic...

I feel so selfish saying this but why the fuck did this have to happen? It doesn't seem fair. Can't we just find a way to transfer this pain, sickness, heartache to the evil people in the world? I know so many wonderful people that go through this bullshit every day. My friends' cancer may be back for the FOURTH time... how is that fair???

I love them for it though, because they are the most compassionate, forgiving, wonderful, strong, beautiful people I have and ever will meet. And they wouldn't be who they are if it weren't for cancer.

But why does it have to take CANCER to make these amazing people?

Even though it breaks my heart, I will still dance as much as I can. And I hope my friends will do the same... I know lady gaga seems like the last person to quote but it feels appropriate:

They say roses have thorns, so just dance, it's going to be OK...