Who...

Who is this girl?

Already damaged, almost broken, almost dead, almost...

Confused to who she is now, trying to find some sort of sense. Maybe find her old self? But I guess after hell no one is really the same...

I forgot about this girl until I saw that picture...

Full of hope and a new sense of life. But scared to make friends because of the ones she lost. Full of dreams, KNOWING this will never happen again...KNOWING...

Holding out for the hope of dancing again...

In so much pain all the time she is never truly herself...

20 pounds lighter, 3 years younger, gone through shit but somehow still naive to the what ifs in life...

Who IS this girl?

Does it really matter anymore? She isn't me...



But who am I?

Some days I feel more whole than I have ever felt in my life. But then I think about what I have lost and it makes me feel just that...lost.

Some days its like this isn't my life...I never imagined my life being like this. Although, I always had some sort of feeling that something was not right with me...

But it still doesn't answer my question...I'm not the goofy teenager I was, I'm not the tormented, angry, self conscious 18-20 yr old either...

All I know is that my life has been harder than most...that may make me a "better and stronger" person in some people's eyes but idk if I feel that way about myself...

I know that people stare when I wear shorts, and some days I feel like telling them to fuck off and other days I wish they would just ask what I know they want to ask.

I don't want to be captured in this little bubble of being an amputee. That's not what defines me, I at least know that much. It's something that happened to me, it was something I had to do to LIVE. It was something I had to do to give me a better chance of NEVER going through this again. It was, the single most difficult decision I have ever made....

So who am I?

I am:
2x cancer survivor, daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend, amputee, photographer, dancer, choreographer, artist, American, Californian, Christian, musician.

These are all just facts though...but I guess when you mesh them all together that is who I am. This is the path that my life has taken.

Would I change my life if I could? Not sure... if I hadn't gone through any of this I wouldn't be where or who I am now...




Everything Happens For A Reason