Funny things about being an amputee

It's been 3 years since I lost my leg... not a sad thing for me, but people still seem to feel sorry for me. DON'T! haha my life is so much better without it! I would have never met the people I have met, heard stories I have heard, and found a new sort of twisted humor out of it all...

Some of the things I would never thought I would say in my life:

"Hold on let me put my leg on"

"My feet are cold...I mean foot"

 "My feet hurt...I mean foot"

"My feet are wet...I mean foot"

"It's my leg corner!"

"My hydraulics are squeaky" 

"Hold on, have to charge my leg"

"EFF my leg just died!"

"Tattoo my leg, I'll be back for it later"

"I have to get my leg calibrated"

"My leg guy just called me"

"There are three dismembered feet on my bedroom floor right now..."

Some of the things I would never thought I would have heard in my life:

"If I were you and lost my leg I think I would have killed myself" (wtf?!)

"MOM WHERE DID HER LEG GO?!"

"MOM SHE HAS A REALLY SMALL LEG!"

"MOM LOOOOK" (frantically pointing at me)

"MOM SHE HAS A ROBOT LEG!"

(Man) "Did you break your leg?" (7 yr old cousin) "NO SHE DOESN'T HAVE ONE!!"

(if you haven't been able to tell children like to yell)

"Did a shark eat your leg?!"

"Thank you for your service" "I am not a Vet"...awkward silence

Some things people say to me not realizing my leg is missing (AKA awkward central) then I have to explain my leg is not THERE:

"Did you tear your ACL?"

 (apparently the most common knee injury. I hear this ALOT)

"What happened to your knee?"

"Your knee looks out of place"

"Your knee looks weird"

(walk up to cashier with crutches) "Oh did you break your ankle?"

 (I always imagine their face when I walk away...I get embarrassed for them)

And a lot more of how did you break/hurt your ankle/knee...stop being so nosy people! You make yourself look stupid!

There are a ton of jokes that I never thought I would make but that will have to be in another blog because there are plain just too many...

I never take anything serious from people about missing my leg and I just decide to find it all amusing... even the rude comments. 

Why not, right? :)

 

A Different World...

Before I had cancer my life was pretty vanilla cookie cutter. It's a really strange world now that I am a minority... Even though I am not in a wheelchair I think of my friends that have a really difficult time accessing buildings, pools, houses etc...I also really notice if someone illegally takes a handicap spot...Karma is going to get you if you illegally take a handicap spot...just saying... 

That being said, I get GLARED at when seen taking a handicap spot... that is until they see me get out of my car, look down and sheepishly look away... Not only is it unusual to be missing a limb it is more unusual to be a young person missing a limb and even MORE unusual to be a young female missing a limb... 

Therefore there is not a day goes by that I don't get stared at... I have grown to live with the stares and the comments...but some days I just wish I had a rest from it... 

A rest from little kids pointing, saying "mommy look!" and their mothers telling them to shut up...a rest from "oh did your hurt your ankle...oh"...a rest from "how did you lose your leg"...a rest from awkwardly explaining to someone that I was never in the service after they have just thanked me...

 There are not many days where I feel like that because for the most part I have accepted that this is a part of my life and that people will never changed...human nature is so strange... 

 I have a new story every day of something funny/interesting/stupid/rude that someone has done towards me...I know my friends love my stories haha... 

All in all it's going to be a strange/interesting life for me for a very long time...and it will be a completely different world for me than it was 3 years ago... 

 C'est La Vie!

Dance is Life

 

Dance was a huge part of my life for so so long... it still is... 

I have found my place in the world but sometimes I feel like I am missing something... 

 I have been so lucky to find a disabled dance group and found so many great friends through this... but it's so hard to find a way or time to be able to keep the momentum from that life changing week... 

So what do we do when we feel like we have lost momentum? 

Forget about it? Dwell in the past? Try harder? Find a new way? 

Surf has helped me feel centered like dance has. But dance is where I can let my emotions go...and I feel stifled without it... 

 I usually have some sort of resolve...but I don't feel any resolution... just frustration...unsure what to do...

Year 6

Since 2006 Valentine's day hasn't really been a love celebration, it's been a reminder of the beginning of my long and crazy journey...

You can't help but think of those milestones when the anniversary comes...

6 years ago today I was getting out of my first of many huge, life changing surgeries...

I didn't know if I was going to wake up and not have a leg. And that, terrified me...

I am reminded of my last and hopefully final life changing surgery that happened 2 years ago...

As I am brought into the cold surgery room, I am told to curl into a ball so they can start the epidural. I cling to my knee and look at my other leg, frantically wiggling my toes, knowing I will never see that leg again... Holding back tears... The numbness takes over and I know I will never feel that leg again...

They lay me back and cover my body with blankets. They insert the spots where your arms rest into the surgery bed which make it form some sort of unholy cross. I can see them lifting my leg and covering it with orange iodine, getting the tourniquet ready, and started going over the technicalities...

"Courtney Wilson, amputation of the left leg...." For some reason I am still awake and now so many things are rushing in my head... The sound of the man that is going to take my leg off saying my name and what he is going to do makes it impossible to hold back tears... my arms are strapped down so I can't even brush them from my face...

The nurse next to me sees that I am awake and crying asks for me to be put under... she takes off her sterile glove, touches my face, and wipes my tears away...

That's the last thing I remember...And I will never forget it...

These moments define you...these moments remind you of a time that you may want to forget... but these moments are what make you, you...